I get it how ugly disagreements in marriage sounds.
It gets worst to get back to normal as it leads to unending arguments.
But what if I give you methods to deal with them?
Yes, you heard that right. Marriages are essential part of our lives. We live in it together. If somewhere things go wrong, it disturbs both the partners. Some show their sadness in the face, while some hides it in a smile. Still, everything that goes between the two matters a lot.
That is why, to help you resolve conflicts in marriage, I have done my best by sequencing the 6 methods.
How To Deal With Disagreements In Marriage? Follow This 6 Steps!
Relationships do not show perfect compatibility ever, until you adapt to differences. We all are different in some manner and that difference creates conflict in relationships.
If things aren’t going in the right direction, you are staying unhappy, or your relationship has lost the charm, I want you to know that dealing with disagreements in marriage/relationship will become easy after following these 6 methods.
Implementing anything in real life brings change. Relationships-marriages need to adapt to certain techniques that work. And these will surely work if you put them into action.
Here are the methods in detail.
I often hear this statement, ‘my husband disagrees with everything I say.’ I will tell you men and women are from two different planets all together. Even John Gray in his book, ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ has defined this statement.
He says it multiple times that you and your husband or you and your wife will never have similarities. And that’s the fact because men have complete different beliefs while women are always trying to be the help.
I say it every time I come across a couple that a man wants to feel superior and a woman wants to help. But they don’t go together because men do not want solutions while women do not want to feel inferior. They look for equality.
So, when your partner disagrees with you over something, you need to know you cannot change their opinion. We try to change their opinion. We argue that no this is right and you are wrong. This is not how it works, but this is how it works. And that is where we lose the charm.
Relationships need discussions to last long. But we choose to argue. If you tell them that okay I get your point, I respect your disagreement but it can also have another side to look at, it will work.
For example – if you both are talking about your friend who is a drug addict and your partner is not fine with you talking to him/her regularly because he may be a wrong company. And you are trying to put the point that his addictions have some reasons. Until and unless you choose to do drugs, you won’t, but he doesn’t listen.
In such situations you may get mad and call his concerns insecurity or possessiveness or a controlling behavior, but he’s just being him.
So, rather saying things that may hurt him you can say, ‘I agree with your point, but I assure you of not choosing the wrong direction. He/she is my friend. I cannot abandon when he/she needs me the most. The addiction has reasons and I want to be there to help.’ And I assure you it will work.
Assurance is everything a partner expects from us. It is one of the ways to lasting marriages.
Is it normal to disagree in a relationship?
Definitely! Disagreements make us realize some realities of life. But disagreeing in situations where you may be accountable for things, you don’t play fair.
We hold responsibilities for our actions. Blaming the other one for your mistakes or to keep your side safe, won’t help you strengthen the relationship, rather it will lead to destruction.
So, accept your mistakes, if the other one is doing it, make them realize their mistakes. Accountability is the strength as it will tie you both together like a never breaking chain.
Annoyance is natural. Some of us get annoyed over smallest things – like an ant? And get into a fight as huge as the mountain.
We wouldn’t even want to hear to what the other one has to say. Because we think my partner won’t compromise. We would hear the reasons but won’t listen to them. Sometimes we would even give a too much expression and leave the room without letting them complete.
Most fights happen when one of the partners starts to feel ignorant for their opinions. Their most used statement would be, ‘you don’t even listen and judge me. Cannot I say something? Don’t my opinions matter?’ and you would still ignore because that has become a routine.
You can’t deal with disagreements in marriage/relationship if you become ignorant toward their perspectives, reasons or concerns. Listen to what they have to say. Why they are saying it? Does that make sense? Or Is it you who might be wrong here?
When you think from all sides of the story, you get the answer. You understand the situation. Accordingly, you calmly take the action.
4. Attack Game
One of the common causes of conflict in marriage is the wrong use of words.
And we are masters in it.
We would use such words that would not even make sense at the moment just to justify our opinions and to disagree with their opinions.
You need to know that attack game will ruin your relationship faster than any other cause of conflict. That is because your partner will think you are telling the truth in anger while you wouldn’t even mean to say it in reality. Or that you were feeling it all this while and didn’t talk about it.
If something’s hurting, against your perspective, or you aren’t liking it, you can still put your point using kind words.
For example, you didn’t like your partner watching television for too long while you were waiting for them to spend time with you. When they came you shot immediately expressing how bad you feel when they do it and even called them selfish, foolish, self-centered and some awful words because they didn’t meet your expectation.
On the other hand, they will try to say they don’t do it intentionally. Then it will lead to a great fight. However, you can still manage the situation by expressing sadness without using such words.
Like you can be sad completely and say, ‘I feel incomplete. You are working all day. When you get free you start watching movies. That is also fine but for so long that I am almost sleepy and don’t get enough time to spend with you. Can you on some days atleast be there?’
That would make sense. That wouldn’t hurt your partner. And it will save you from unending arguments.
5. Untold Story
Disagreements in marriage also happen when you expect your partner to know you are not fine with something without telling them.
A friend of mine once said, ‘my husband and I don’t agree on anything’. I now understand how a relationship can go from charming couples to fighter couples. It’s a real thing to fight with.
What needs to be done here is to express all you feel. Even if it makes you mean, straight forward, or bold, say it because that is how your partner will come to know.
You will just feel and expect them to know wouldn’t help you. When you say, people hear. When you don’t, nobody would come to know until and unless your body language is saying something. However, that too needs an explanation.
6. Trial Never Works
Constant conflict in marriage is an example of not considering the health of the relationship.
You would say thousands of times that you try so hard to make your partner understand, then give up because he/she doesn’t want to understand. But darling trial doesn’t work. You actually need to understand the situation to make the other one understand.
Until and unless you don’t understand the reasons for why your partner is disagreeing with you, you will only try to make them understand your point.
It would be better if you listen to what they have to say. What is hurting them so much that they are fighting about it? When you will know the sensitive side of their disagreement, you will be better at making them understand your opinions.
Sometimes, even the disagreement is the right thing. You would know in your heart that my partner is right, but for your satisfaction you will still not agree with their opinion because that actually may be the wrong decision.
Give yourself a chance to think from the other side. If your partner is wrong, tell them calmly that their opinion may lead to a wrong decision. That it will hurt both of you so, it would be better if you give it a thought.
We grow together. If one of you don’t see the side of the other one, ignore the opinions, or put the blame completely on them, look for ways to create a conflict, the marriage, the relationship won’t last long.
Even if it lasts, the bond will fade. It’s good to put efforts into what matters the most so all of you can happily live together.
5 Top Marriage Problems And Solutions
With so many problems that goes between both the partners, these 5 are the top most problems that may ruin the charm of the relationship if not dealt with care.
Along with the problems, I have also included the dos and don’ts. Make sure you put all of it into work to make the love last forever, otherwise it would just be a marriage without a spark.
1. Competition For Having More Problems
My friend always tells me that she doesn’t feel understood when she’s sharing. If she’s telling her husband that her friends are mean, doesn’t consider her or talk mean behind her, her husband would compete for same.
He would say, ‘So what? I experience that every day. Now I have started to stay alone. We should enjoy our company. Nobody stays forever. Chill’.
That’s not how the relationship works. Not just between husband and wife, but even other important relationships. Rather competing for each other’s problems, understand their feelings.
What they are feeling? Why are the feeling it? And how you can be affectionate and consoling at that moment? I assure you, your partner will not only get closer to you but also understand your situations when you get into one.
2. Less Appreciation
Lack of appreciation can be a bigger problem in marriage.
One of the partners always wants to be appreciated since they do their part whenever needed. If they are appreciating you, they will expect you to appreciate them for certain things, efforts or work they did. Or simply on their appearance, new outfit, etc.
Make sure you say what you feel in your heart. We would be so glad of things they did or happy about how pretty they are looking, but won’t express it.
So, do it whenever you think it is necessary. Reinforcements will eventually make their day, give their face a smile and energy to be happy all day.
The most important, the whole topic that we talked about in earlier part.
Lack of interest and disagreements in marriage create nuisance between the two. The respect fades, and fights increases. If you take care of all the suggested methods we discussed in the earlier part, trust me it will get easier to deal with it.
Lack of physical and emotional intimacy is another big level conflict in relationships and marriages.
You may come home tired and expect a conversation or closeness, but may not get it because other one is still busy, or they are not in the mood, or they themselves had a tough day.
It’s quite common, but may lead to a huge fight. You can give them space till they come to you and ask you about your day or you can be the one starting a conversation.
That way both of you will be able to understand each other. Getting annoyed on your partner, or them getting irritated with you, will only weaken the relationship. Communication, understanding and having patience to calm the emotions make the marriages stronger.
However, you can also use the below video for some help.
5. Money Issues In Marriage
Does money break up relationships?
The answer is no! Not always.
Money imbalance in relationships definitely causes conflicts. It may not come intentionally, but naturally.
Money is required to fulfill needs. Sometimes you as a husband may not be able to give your wife what she wants because of recent financial imbalances. And she as a wife may only compare her life with that of her friends.
Similarly, you as a wife may get mad at him, compare him or tell him things because sometimes men tend to hide what’s going on.
In such cases, husbands can communicate about their feelings and issues or wives should initiate a conversation on what’s making them not fulfill their wishes. This way you both will be aware of recent financial imbalances and will cooperate with each other.
That’s all I had curated for all of you to benefit from.
The 6 methods to deal with disagreements in marriage are the techniques that I had suggested few of my clients. When they found it helpful and saw a great change in the health of their relationship, I thought of sharing them with you too.
If you devotedly work on them, consider them during disagreements or marriage conflicts, I am sure you will be able to resolve the issues that will lead to a stronger relationship.
However, if you are looking for a session, use the below button. Good day 🙂
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