Haven’t we already normalized belittling in our surroundings?
Looking at society, its perspectives, and behaviors, it is difficult for people to ever understand verbal abuse. Anyone would just get up and abuse you like it is nothing to talk about. Especially in marriages, couples think abuse is part of love and relationships. However, it has an adverse effect on mental and emotional health.
This article is a small guide on how to deal with verbal abuse in marriages. If you are being the victim of the same, you can follow the shown ways to deal with an abusive partner.
Even if you are the one who abuses your partner, this article can assist you in improving your relationship in a positive way.
What is Verbal Abuse?
Verbal abuse definition – any person that takes the help of manipulative, dominating, assaulting, and ridiculous words to put down someone else is verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse is common in relationships where there is a lack of maturity and understanding of mental health. Couples find it more satisfying to express their feelings in a hurtful way than calm communication.
Only if they think from each other’s perspective and deal with issues with a thoughtful mindset, they can offer each other a lot more success and reliability.
Why does Verbal Abuse take Place?
Some common causes of verbal abuse are wanting to feel superior in the relationship, holding power over their partner, ensuring their feelings are set to be the top priority, and sending them on guilt trips.
Abusers are mainly low on self-esteem and lack self-growth. Because they feel they can easily lose the other person, they make sure they hold power over the other one.
Hence, every time the relationship goes through uncomfortable or awkward conversations, the abuser leads the situation and puts their partner down.
In fact, the abuser plays the victim card and makes their spouse feel they are on the wrong side even if they are innocent.
Signs of Verbal Abuse in Marriage
Here are some signs that can help you understand whether you are verbally abused by your partner.
Mocking and Shaming in Relationship
Your partner knowingly/unknowingly puts you down. They use mocking and sarcastic words to make fun of you. It could be a comment about your dress, body, hobbies, or something that gives you insecurities and make you feel inferior around them.
Imitating your Actions, Behavior, or Speech
We sometimes unknowingly act, behave or talk in a way that is unusual for others, and your partner may imitate the same to mock you. Even if you get irritated at them for doing so, they will do it more.
No matter how light or serious the situation is, your spouse leaves no chance to humiliate you for who you are. Every time they are angry for some reason, they will make sure to speak about things that will hurt you deeply and tell you later they didn’t mean anything as such.
They will also humiliate you in public and control you to act, behave and speak in a way that is okay with them.
Gaslighting or Guilt Trips
Your partner is a narcissist and makes sure they are never at the wrong place. They will make you feel they are innocent and control your kindness for their peace of mind.
Whenever they feel they can be attacked, they will put it all on you or attack you with past incidents to make you feel guilty.
How to Deal with Verbal Abuse?
Just as much one finds abusing easy, dealing with the same is difficult.
You cannot expect to get over verbal abuse in one go. It will take you consistent time and practice.
Since you know your partner well and their behavior, it won’t be easy to deal with them. You will need patience and willingness to follow the ways and simultaneously help your partner become calm in a relationship.
It is only you can who can bring yourself out of the abuse and then direct your partner to do better. They will abuse you, even more, when you try to improve them, but it is going to be worth it.
You may ask why me? Because your growth is very much important in your marriage. When you are confident enough to look after your emotions and encourage a better lifestyle, you will also be able to understand the root cause of your spouse’s behavior.
That will help you improve both of your understanding of your marriage.
So how to deal with verbal aggression?
1. Get Loud About the Abuse
Let the abuser know that their action is hurtful. You don’t have to be afraid of losing them or scared of their reaction to your response. Why? Because it is crucial you take a stand for your emotional health. Otherwise, they may keep taking advantage of the same knowingly/unknowingly.
You can also use certain phrases to address the issue –
- I don’t like it when you pass such comments
- Please be humble with your words, they are hurtful
- I find it abusive when you judge, yell and get loud at me
- Those words make me feel ashambed and insecure, try not to use them
The more you are communicative of what hurts you, the less power they have over you.
2. Don’t Return the Energy
It is basic for humans to abuse in return for abuse. No, you don’t have to do that!
Kindness is better than anything if you really want to return energy. You have to be calm with your words and sentences and still let them know that they need to work on their actions and behavior.
3. Take Help of a Safe Hand
If you think your spouse is dangerous to communicate with about their behavior and will not take it positively, take the help of a safe hand.
You may have a family member or a friend that is safe to talk to. Tell them about the verbal abuse your partner engages in and hurt you. Because you are afraid of their reaction, you don’t want to directly talk to your partner. That is why you are taking their help.
That will help you with directions to improve your marriage/relationship.
Otherwise, you can reach a counselor to seek help on how to deal with verbal abuse.
4. Create A Warning
Setting a boundary in marriage is another way how to deal with verbal abuse.
If you don’t have boundaries in your relationship, your partner will take benefit from the same. You have to ensure there is a warning every time they abuse you.
Like, tell them you will walk away if there’s constant and unnecessary name-calling, shaming, or yelling. If they love you and want to keep you, they will know their limits.
Can Verbal Abusers Change?
They can if they are willing to. Sometimes abusers do not realize they are abusing. For them, such behaviors are normal and out of emotions.
Their actions and behaviors could also be a past influence or surroundings. In fact, someone who is willing to change doesn’t need another pinch. They will ensure the abuse stops once and for all.
How to Leave Abusive Relationship with No Money?
- Create a side hustle plan
- Monetize your favorite skills
- Consult someone who can guide you better
- Try dropshipping and resell products without investing
- Take a small loan that you can invest and repay on profits
- Look for a job that interests you and have minimal experience
To Sum Up
Verbal abuse is a part of 80% of relationships. (1) Even around 30% of men acknowledge being emotionally abused by their partners. If we start to stand for ourselves and our emotional health, we can bring abuse to an end. However, it needs action!
If you follow the above steps, you can prevent verbal abuse in your marriage to an extent. Sometimes it happens unknowingly, and your partner may improve on realization, but you may need much more effort in case of a narcissist.