“The last time I felt unheard, I cried throughout the day.” Expressed one of my clients with a heavy voice.
Not feeling heard in a relationship is definitely an issue. But the ways you take to tackle this issue makes more sense. Almost relationships lead to serious fights as one of the partners feels the other one is rude, avoidant or ignores their expressions.
The possibility can be – your partner has no idea of what to say about your feelings or they themselves are fighting internal battles at the moment. Sometimes you are too overwhelmed by your feelings that you can’t tolerate your emotions. All you want to do is talk about it but the moment your partner miss out on to you or show less interest, you feel unheard.
It is nowhere your mistake. Neither that you talk too much to stop talking. We also think we aren’t being heard because we talk too much, and it’s boring for our partner to keep listening to us, so we stop talking. But the reality can be different.
Anyway, the 5 things I am going to share with you will help you deal with such an issue. If you follow it regularly, you will see the results. However, following it for 2 days and giving up on it will not give you any result.
5 Things To Do When Not Feeling Heard In A Relationship!
If you think, ‘I have no voice in my relationship’ here’s what you need to do!
Game of Expectations
Won’t ask you to stop expecting. But don’t expect all that you do for them.
Your way of showing love can differ from their way of showing love. If you expect them to be the way you behave with them, you will feel unnoticed.
The fights will come up because you felt unnoticed. You will try to explain the way it makes you feel, and they will finish it on the note that you find ways to fight with them, or you are always complaining. Even when you are just expressing.
So, when you express their reaction in return hurt you. They don’t react the way you would have reacted if they were in your place. Your expectations die. And it becomes a big deal.
If you keep doing things without expecting it back in the same way, you will be less hurt. And give them space to show their love in their way. We all are different after all.
Asking Too Many Questions
If you want to know about something, and they are avoiding to answer, leave it right there. Their avoidance will make you feel frustrated. Your thoughts will take you to places you wouldn’t ever want to go and that will eventually make you feel unheard.
You would want to know something but won’t get any answers. You will fight about it and may even say they don’t trust you just because they aren’t listening to what you have to say.
Sometimes, some things, aren’t meant to share. Even if they do, they won’t be happy about it. Sometimes we just want to keep things to us unless we feel like putting it out. And we get so curious to know certain things in our relationships that we manipulate, we challenge and even fight about it. And feel bad about ourselves at the end of the day.
It is better to not ask too many questions about certain things that they don’t want to talk about. If you let it go, you will have no questions and you won’t feel ignored.
Rather, if its something that makes them low when they talk about it, keep it away. Talk about happy moments, happy incidents and make sure you don’t hurt them by pushing it.
Improve Emotional Intelligence
Our comfort is connected to our peace of mind. When our mind is not at peace, we feel a burden on our shoulder. We know what we are feeling, why we are feeling but unless we share it, we feel a burden.
We want to share it with a particular person, can be your partner. You expect them to hear you out. When they fail at meeting your expectations (possibly got busy, showed less interest, is sleepy) you get mad about it.
Your anger leaves you feeling sad and lonely in a relationship.
In such cases, practice emotional intelligence. Remember that your partner has no idea of what you are expecting from them. They unknowingly miss out on your emotions. You can’t push them to listen to you, while they are trying their best even after being busy, tired and sleepy.
So, love yourself as you are. Make a mindset that your partner isn’t your partner to fulfill your expectations. Give them enough room to understand you better so they themselves do things for you without you expecting it from them.
Express Your Fears
Bursting out in anger when not feeling heard in a relationship can be a turn off. Your partner will defend themselves. Even if they made a mistake, it will look as in you did something wrong.
Instead of firing words, express your fears and insecurities. Let them know what scares you and why? When you will express about it freely, they will have an opportunity to understand you better.
If you don’t express, still expect them to understand you, it won’t do any good to both of you. Choose to let your fears out, expose your insecurities, and they will definitely listen to you.
It’s always about the way you put forth your emotions. When you change your style of communication you will know the difference in reactions.
Avoid Giving Guilt Trips
Relationships seriously fall apart when there are more guilt trips than happy moments.
If you are not feeling heard in a relationship, one reason can be that you don’t let go of past incidents. You keep bringing up something that has been discussed a million times.
You probably are unable to forgive them for something or there are unresolved issues which keeps hurting you. You find reasons to talk about those things and end up fighting. Additionally, every time you bring those things, they feel guilty. They feel low, exhausted and tired of listening to it again and again even after they have apologized for the past mistake.
If you want to make your relationship last, I would suggest you to not brag about any situations, any argument, any incident that ever happened. Let it go right there and start fresh. We make mistakes, and learn from it. If they have accepted their mistake, forgive them and let it go.
It will do nothing but strengthen your relationship. Your partner will show more interest than they do it now. Plus, will be always there to hear you out.
One of the reasons why you feel unheard can be that your partner is a bad listener. They are more on the talkative side. They love talking but when it comes to listening to someone, they fail at it. Even if they try, they will come with something to talk about while you are talking.
You can rather look for someone else to talk about things as they will be able to understand and guide you better. The more you push a bad listener to listen to you, the more they will ignore the situations.
How To Make Someone Feel Heard?
We talked about you not feeling heard in a relationship, but how to make someone feel heard who has a complaint from you?
Here are the tips –
- Allow yourself to put focus on your ears while listening
- Try your best to understand their emotions before reacting
- Resolve the unresolved issues
- Be a good listener
- Make them feel you understand them
- Assure them that their emotions are valid, but you don’t know what to say (in case you don’t know).
- Respond to all their feelings, try not to miss out on any.
That’s all. I hope I helped you. Follow the steps mentioned above and your relationship will start seeing changes.