Avoidance can cause you, but letting go of control in relationships can be good for you.
But how? I will tell you when other person is suffering they don’t choose a mean of communication, rather they choose to suffer because guess what? You don’t understand! (according to them).
And this happens when we stand tight with controlling issues that we don’t think can be problematic to us. That is why I say letting go of control in relationships can be good for you. Because then it doesn’t cause you, rather brings you happiness.
But how do you know whether you are controlling or not?
The answer is you know. You know it clearly. But because you haven’t seen the worst situation out of it, or you haven’t acknowledged it to yourself, or your partner is too kind to say it in your face, you avoid it.
In this article, I am going to show you 4 steps involved in letting go of control in relationships. And that will be the best way to improve yourself in relationships.
Letting Go of Control In Relationships – 4 Easy Steps
I have used these steps in my relationship before putting it out here. I am sure it will help you strengthen the weakest part of you to make your relationship stronger.
1. Understand wants of your partner
#1 way to letting go of power and control in relationship is to understand the wants of your partner.
In 40% of my counseling sessions, clients complain about their partners not understanding their likes and dislikes. They think they are being controlled and are expected to do things their partner likes. That is why they hide certain things which creates issue later in the relationship.
So if you don’t like habits of your partner or actions that they really like doing, remember you have no control over it. You cannot stop anyone from doing the things they like doing then be it your girlfriend/boyfriend, your husband/wife or even your kids.
Once you put control over their habits, they start hiding. Because you become an enemy, an insecure person which may weaken your relationships.
Some examples can be –
- Asking your partner to not go out with certain friends
- Checking their logs and chats
- Asking for their passwords
- Asking if you can join them with their friends
- Not letting them do things you don’t like
2. Allow is a wrong word
People use the word ‘allow’ too often. They say confidently that they allow their partner to do whatever they want. But remember, your partner is not your employ or your worker who you allow taking holidays on important days. Your partner holds the same place as you hold. And you are no one to take their decisions.
We all are masters of our lives. We know the right and the wrong. If we get distracted, we learn lessons from our mistakes. But we do it all on our own.
Likewise, let them do what they want. If its wrong, they will learn it all by themselves. All you have to do is to just direct them on the right path, and not take their decisions.
3. Try discussion, not argument
We all are stuck with one question.
How to fix a controlling relationship?
But we never notice the direction of our conversations. We start with good, and end on a negative note. Because in between we bring things that we don’t like that our partners do. Or keep it to ourselves for months, then bring them up suddenly in a good conversation.
We try to prove we are right. That they are hurting us. And it’s absolutely correct to express the emotions we feel. But, as much as you respect your emotions, you need to respect theirs as well.
Rather doing an argument, turn it into a healthy discussion where you try to understand their side story and give them opportunity to understand your side story. That’s how it works. I have tried it. And I feel more alive as in the end, there’s no harsh goodbye.
When you let your anger go away. When you try to see every side of the conversation, you will be able to let your partner come closer to you.
Comparisons can worsen your relationships. You are not in a competition with your partner to count the efforts you take and the efforts they take. We do it out of love, and everybody’s definition of love differs.
You will always be more than a control freak, if you count the efforts. It makes one unattractive. Just as things you do for them are too much for you, things they do for you hold equal importance. If you don’t consider them enough, you will always remain hurt for wanting more.
So let go of your such behavior. Do things selflessly. And stop expecting things from your partner.
What Is The Benefit of Letting Go of Control In Relationships?
The benefits of letting go of control in relationships is that you gain certain experiences. These experiences add up to the positive growth of the relationship.
For example –
- You learn to accept your partner as they are
- Your mind remains calm
- The negative thoughts are controlled
- The insecurity, possessiveness do not take over the love
- You experience closeness
- Communication and understanding gets better
- You become affectionate, lovable and less harmful
How To Help Your Partner Release Control?
- Discuss how controlling issue can affect your relationship.
- Assure them of your unconditional love while involved in other things.
- Don’t let unnecessary thoughts get build up in the head.
- Talk about things that don’t make you feel right in the relationship.
- Understand their side story and assure them of not letting things come in between the relationship.
- Become understanding to be understood.
- Help them express, relieve their stress, insecurities and be more attentive to what they have to say
If you devotedly apply all the ways, I am sure it will strengthen the weakest parts in the relationship.
We all build up from the mistakes, from lack of support and lessons from negative thoughts. This will add up to your better future journey and bring happiness all together 🙂
However, if you ever need a session from me, you can use the below button. Take care.