End Expectations In Relationship with 3 Effective Steps
Are you finding it tough to deal with expectations in relationship? I have few strong points to help you cop up with it. But, before I show you those methods, let me show you how expectations can ruin a lot of many relationships.
What if we were told to be given 1 thousand rupees for every expectation we hold in our relationship, how much would you earn?
In my opinion, you would have been the richest person in town. But do you think you live a peaceful life with that many expectations in hand?
Expectation does no good to your relationship, yet we keep expecting more. Sometimes we even give names to our expectations to avoid the fact that we are expecting.
Supposedly your partner forgot to get you a present on your birthday for whatsoever reason, and you will tag it as, ‘it is the responsibility of our partner to make us happy’, ‘he/she doesn’t love me’ ‘I feel you have changed’ ‘you only think about yourself’ and the tags go on just because of the one expectation they couldn’t fulfill.
Once, I and one of my friends was sitting in her balcony, and she told her mother that, “Rukayya is already forgetting me. She forgot to bring something I asked her for, which she never does. If I move out, she won’t even call”.
Then her mother says, ‘If she’s starting to forget, you remember her, you hold her, or else you won’t be able to handle any relationship (Nahi toh rishtein sambhal nahi payenge!!)
She had a point. We get habitual of somebody’s constant act. If someday they don’t act in the same way, we consider they have changed, they have stopped loving us, or that we are losing the spark.
We don’t invest any energy in communicating about their reasons for not acting in the same way. With every phase in our lives, our nature and behavior change.
Similarly, responsibilities and priorities increase. So, we may forget certain things to keep up with certain things. And that exact change hurt us because we are not habitual of it.
We start fighting with our partner about why they didn’t do what they were supposed to.
Why are they changing?
Have they started to like someone else?
Am I not your priority anymore?
Why do I have to adjust and struggle for your time? And we keep questioning and ruining the bond we have.
Even the arguments turn into silent treatments because your partner, who may not have any intention to hurt you, will be hurt now. He/she will start thinking they are not doing enough. They will start blaming themselves. Eventually, the actual spark will start decreasing.
That is why dealing with expectations in relationship is important. I am sure this guide will give you a lot of insights on how to keep them in control, so you can strengthen your bond with your partner.
Top 3 Ways to Deal with Expectations in Relationship
Analyze The Emotions Connected with Your Expectations
We experience different emotions in different situations. For example, fear, disappointment, anger, too much irritation, you are feeling like crying. All of these are emotions connected to different phases of your life.
So, every time you feel there’s an unmet expectation, try analyzing how you feel.
Did you feel scared? Or did you feel disappointed? What was it, and how did it affect your mood in your relationship?
This will help you get better at your behavior towards them.
Value and Prioritize Self-love
A very quick question comes into my mind after reading this point –
How well do you understand yourself?
What do you exactly know about yourself? You can take a pen and paper and write it down.
Could you please tell me who are you other than your name? Do you know your likes and dislikes? Do you know what hurts you? What makes you happy? What is that one thing that messes up your mind and one thing that gives the peace that you look around every day?
Or do you ever stop and analyze the thoughts you get? Why are you thinking like this? What is the route to it?
When you are aware of everything connected to you, and you can resolve your own issues and manage your thoughts, you get better with understanding yourself.
It is a part of self-love. You love yourself in a way that nobody else can.
That makes you stronger. And then there’s no space for expectations in your mind.
So make sure you love yourself enough. The lack of self-love increases expectations. We start expecting others to love us, make us happy, do things for us and take care of us, why? The reason is — we fail to do that to ourselves.
Here are some ways to achieve self-love & positivity –
- Remember your happiness should be your priority
- Never let yourself be somebody else’s happiness
- Analyze your fears and work upon them
- Explore yourself
- Find routes to your thoughts
- Have faith in you, trust your decisions
- Take a control of your life
- Learn to be able to take your decisions
- Award yourself, treat yourself frequently
- Be someone you would want to be with
- Do what you like to do best without having anyone’s opinion
- Appreciate criticism and encourage improvements
Accept Certain Facts
Acceptance is the key!
You come to me with your issues a thousand times, and I would still talk about acceptance. We all know there should be acceptance, but we only don’t follow it.
We expect others to accept who we are, accept what they do to us, accept this and that, but we wouldn’t accept their nature.
Furthermore, we won’t accept that they have been this kind of person since the time you all are together. We try to change them as per our terms and conditions. As per our fantasies. When it doesn’t happen, we fight, and we ruin it.
If you don’t know what you should fight for, let me list it down for you –
- Toxicity that is destroying your mental health
- They are controlling you, your dreams, and your actions
- Stop you from doing what you like and ask you to do what you don’t
- And manipulates you.
Wrap Up –
Dealing with expectations in a relationship is not as difficult as you think. It takes time, effort, consistency, and willingness, but it does bring healthier changes in your relationship.
If you understand and allow yourself to follow the three steps/methods shown in this small guide, you will start healing from many problems.
Anyway, let me know if this content was helpful in the content section below 🙂